Hello, my name is Sutai- mad monk at your service. You say you want to know how to become mystic? I say purasuma to you. Anything else you want to interrupt my studies with? My story? Why do you care about- Hey! Put that down!! If you just stay calm and put that thing away, I'll tell. Ok...... Now where should I start? I know, the very beginning.
In the beginning, the universe was a pink tor egg...no! Aaahh! Okay, okay!
My earliest memories.
"NO SUTAI! Put that frog down! NO! Sutai, you idiot, the stance is like this!" Master Chen yells at me, strikes me with bamboo cane. I feel a loose jostling in my head. It sounds squishy. I must have been 9 then. Seeing blue moons, yellow stars, and green clovers, I stumble to my meditation cell. Through the rice-paper wall I hear voices.
"What we do with Sutai? He not fit in with other monklings."
"True, true. Not only is he crazy, he is also stupid."
"Yes, very dishonorable. And nature not respect him either. What to do?"
(Rice-paper walls are very good for eavesdropping!)
"I know! We make him chosen one!"
"Haha! Very clever! We make him balance on sharp bamboo sticks and clean yak feces with chopstick! This teach him value of discipline!"
"Yesyesyes! Very good!"
"Hm."
"Yes, Brother Chen?"
"You think little Sutai can hear us through these paper-thin paper walls?"
"Mmmm..no. He's a crazy. Haha!"
In meantime, I slip silkworms into Master Chen's soup! I was going to prove just how wrong they were.
My pranks were many! I chuck generous portion of yak dropping at Brother Yami during his ten-day ordeal of pole balance. He come down stinky! I find monks under vow of silence and mumble behind their backs and make them say "what?" They start their year all over! I put locust in Master Chen's bed for every time he call me "grasshopper." I pee in lotus flower and make it turn brown. To fellow monks this means bad omen! I laugh.
Masters punish me for pranks. They make me stand on my head for four days. They make me clean Grandmaster Mochi's soiled loincloths - and not let me use water! They make me target dummy for grand master black belts to practice whirling lucky dragon kick technique. Me not so lucky...
But in end they decide no punishment could be enough. The council of Grand Masters decided to kick me out of the monastery, chosen or not. My final day there was a sad one. I could sense that even though my fellow monks were sending me away, they would miss me very much.
Master Chen give me sack of food and supplies, good luck prayer, and fresh orange cloak. He tell me, "Go far away, to where your chi guides you. No, your chi not guide you back in the monastery! Turn around, boy! Go, go far away, and remember the wisdom of Confucius."
I wandered aimlessly for many days. Obviously my chi was not good guide. Kiramu island very small and full of little hostile animals, so I considered a life at sea.
I built great raft and set off into the ocean. Teary-eyed, I watched Kiramu fade into the distance. I spent months at sea, laughing at anything I could to pass the time. "Hahaha! Seagull! Hahaha! Shark! Ow!" From time to time I would scream, "Purrrrasumaaaa!!!" A war cry, call to the gods. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I saw a large island chain great distance away. I could not control my raft so I prayed destiny would take me to the island. Relieved, I embanked upon biggest of all the islands. I could see houses on the shore and though there were no people in sight, I knew the land was inhabited. I stood at the shore gazing; a white dove fluttered about, soft as cherry blossom. Maybe here, I could at last become one with nature.
The bird cooed softly and then flew straight toward my jugular. Jumping back in pain, I noticed lobsters and gray alligators closing in on me menacingly. Nature betrays me yet again! I ran, bleeding and hunted, towards what seemed like the center of a town.
I gasped as the people in the town square came into focus. Such odd people! Muscular people with long snouts, people as tall as my waist, two-legged cats, and what looked like octopus headed men. I ran toward them, doves, lizards, and leeches at my rear. The people surrounded the animals behind me and brutalized them. Such odd, violent people! I talked to them for a while to find out about the island, which turns out to be island for exiles. They tell me that basically I must kill anything that I can, because all creatures on the island have evil nature. I believed them! My personal quest was to now go out and kill something. By fighting assorted animals I learned of my place on the island.
Lion are not to be killed.
Nor big slug.
Nor small turtle.
So I realize that I am no warrior. But everybody on the island seemed to have a job. Some were warriors, others medical helpers. I needed a profession. Because I seemed to be interested in learning and I was such bad fighter, people suggested becoming a "mystic." This thought intrigued me, so I began to gather knowledge about it. By asking around and doing some answering of my own, I made my first true friends- Aki, a quiet, smart cloaked man and Cretzih, a cloaked Neko with a great sense of humor. We had a great time then, many laugh.
My favorite experience with mortal wounds was with Cretzih in a tunnel filled with rats and undead skeletons. He taught me how to laugh at death.
Me, Cretzih, and Aki heard rumors about a "mystic temple." We seemed to think it was in the healer's library. Even if that was not so, there were fascinating books to read.
I grew more experience as I studied and killed tiny creatures. I hear of great beasts on island and decide I should be on their good side. The creatures that seemed to command my respect were the dragons, the greymyr, and the devil deer. I also respect anything that kill me - which means I truly have much respect.
Befriending drakes is a challenge.
Soon I was beginning to explore the outskirts of this village called Puddleby. I began with the surrounding farms. I notice how dry and barren the farmland is, then I see why. Wounded people run by me, chased by ants half their size. I helped the people out, as it was the honorable thing to do. Surprisingly, with a few well placed attacks, I slew the ant. This gave me confidence, so I decided to explore further, to the fields east of Puddleby.
It was a dangerous place! Wildlife turn on me there. Sutai respect nature but nature not respect Sutai.
Months passed as I grew stronger and wiser, but none less crazy. Everybody still give me strange looks, but little do they know, the the turning point of my life on this island was at hand. Running, savagely wounded by creatures of a great forest on the east side of the island, I came across a serene meadow. The creatures would not follow me to the meadow, as there was a large group of people milling about, ready to beat down anything moving. I follow someone in what seem like two massive trees grown together, forming a great hollow within. There was noisy congregation of people in this hollow. They were gathered around a man selling glowing stones and a woman asking people to guess a three digit number. I notice man selling blue cloak and I buy it to replace my tattered orange garb. With money graciously given to me by Cretzih and a good friend, Ugg I also buy a glowing stone. Stone allow me to communicate by thought alone. Feeling slightly more mystical with my purchase, I decided to play the game, which was rumored to have something to do with mystics.
So not to bore you with the details of my mystic journey, I just say it was filled with hardship.
As I continued my journey, I became increasingly worried with the number people posing as monks. Others grew concerned with the explosive monk growth. But they are not monks. They not even know what they are.
By now, my knowledge of the island was great. With group of friends, I go anywhere known to exiles.
I began to participate in hunts, where large groups of exiles go to certain area of the island and beat on the animals there until bored or critically wounded.
I find new and interesting places. I find invulnerable horse-goats that exiles insist on trying to bludgeon. I find hell. I find lava island where people willingly jump in lava. I find beach where people jump in water and drown. Truly there is much I not understand about world! Still, I grew physically stronger and more bored as my mystic quest advanced. Finally, the fateful day arrived. I awoke from bad nightmare about amnesia. When I stepped outside of my hut, I noticed that all of my friends were apprentice mystics. I could easily tell by their wide grins and crowds of inquisitive people surrounding them. At first, I am happy. Aki is finally a mystic- he always beat me to everything, so I expect that. Then I notice something odd. I see people levitating objects for crowds, saying they are mystics. Who are these strangers? Jim Bob? Mr. Mystic? I ponder how this happened...
People I had never seen before get mystical powers.
Then I understand. Sutai work long and hard to become mystic! Mr. Mystic just waited to be told what to do! I get angry. Run around argry looking for the key that I had missed. People give me a bad name for running around angry.. I nearly give up. But days later, I finally complete the last leg of my journey, finally making me an apprentice!
I hope you like my tale, even if it not so heroic. Before I get back to reading Mystic Weekly, is there anything else you want to know? I said before that I can't show you how to become a mystic! Now get out! Or I show you whirling lucky dragon kick! PURRRASUMAAAAA!!!!!
I know I hard to catch up with when I run amok, so you could send letter to sutai@puddleby.dk
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